New Ordinance Allows Lifeguards To Sell Beer, Liquor, Food On Beach

A new ordinance passed by the cities of Myrtle Beach and North Myrtle Beach will allow lifeguards to operate food trucks parked just behind area lifeguard stands.

After a drowning settlement of $20.7 million to a Maryland family in Myrtle Beach, a recent drowning in North Myrtle Beach, coupled with a monopolistic beach gear lawsuit filed in North Myrtle Beach, both cities have decided to extend greater customer service for beach patrons in 2023.

We are only making $3 million each year renting umbrellas and chairs,” said North Myrtle Beach Mayor Marilyn Hatley. “This is a novel way to really cash in.”

Myrtle Beach Mayor, Brenda Bethune, assured the public that only Better Brands, Anheuser Busch distributed beverages would be available on area beaches.

We offer premium brands of both beer and liquor,” stated Bethune. “Why would a lifeguard want to serve any other?”

Lifeguards, who worked for contracted services in Myrtle Beach, stated these new practices would have a minimal affect on patrolling operations. “I believe in customer service,” said Defendant John Doe Lifeguard #1, named in the Maryland Lawsuit. “My eyes will be glued to that oceanfront…, unless we have customers lined up at the counter. Customer service is paramount, and those in line will take highest priority.”

When asked by reporters if the sales of food, liquor, and beer were a conflict, Defendant John Doe #2, stated, “The law is the law and I intend to operate under the guidelines of the laws in place.

Once the measure passed in North Myrtle Beach, Mike Mahaney, North Myrtle Beach City Manager, pushed council to immediately outlaw all other restaurants and bars from selling beer, wine and liquor city-wide.

Mehaney’s ordinance, when passed, will make all restaurants and bars (selling alcoholic beverages) illegal operations subject to daily fines immediately.

You can’t have private businesses competing with the city,” said Mehaney. is a satirical FAKE NEWS SITE about all things Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

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